I have had the perfect weekend – the weather was beautiful, with cool mornings for writing, lazy afternoons for reading and surrounded by family as we eat excellent food. This morning I will sit with the one family member that is not present – for even in the good times I miss him so much it hurts.

I believe the perfectness of the weekend has to do with the person we are missing. We have acquired an appreciation for each other’s company – for we know that in an instant a person you love might be gone tomorrow. My children have seen true love made visible by a loss. Nothing shows love more than how broken a heart is after you lose someone. They know I love them with the same intensity.

I wish I could have both – the knowledge of how precious life is without the loss. Maybe if someone told me – than maybe I could have had the best of both worlds.

Maybe I am the one to do the telling.

I sit here in the quiet on this Labor Day morning and I find myself in between feeling contentment and feeling sadness. It is in this space – the in between – that I have found survival.

When I am looking at my life from this point of view – I find that the world is full of contradictions. It is simply complex and perfectly imperfect. One can either have cake or one can eat it.

I can’t have the best of both worlds – but I can find comfort somewhere in between them.