No one accepted my invitation to my pity party. I dined alone on my meal of negativity and shame. I washed it down with a highly potent glass of disappointment. My pity party of one was a huge success, but the hangover is intense. My head hurts. My heart hurts.
Why do I take things so hard? Why do I have to endure heartache? How can I stop this from happening again? I feel so out of control.
I could harden my heart and be less vulnerable. I could close it up tight and put it in a box. I could reject the people that hurt my feelings and stop the activities that do not offer immediate success. I could build a wall around myself to keep out all the pain. This world I could control and I could rule it by my anger.
I have done this before; it was one long pity party, and it was a very lonely place. It eventually turned into a self-made prison. I was in control and my anger protected me, but there was no joy and very little love.
Today I will nurse my hangover, and by tomorrow I should be good as new. I will not reprimand myself for partying. Every once in awhile is okay, but if it happens frequently, then I have a problem.
There is one thing I am in control of – it is my outlook on the world. It is a dangerous place, filled with rejection and failures, but it is better than any world I can create. I must accept everything belongs in this world – the good and the bad.
Acceptance is the antidote to pessimism, and I need a healthy dose of it today. I will find it in my quiet time as I write and work it out in my journal. On paper, the problem becomes smaller – manageable. It is the perfect remedy for this horrible hangover.