Regret

I burst into tears the other day. I was watching old episodes of the tv show Parenthood with my youngest who was recuperating from his wisdom teeth being pulled. He was lounging in the chair, half-sleep, when the weekly scene of the family gathering in the garden for dinner came on. In a dreamlike voice, he muttered through swollen checks, “I wish we could have dinners like that.” I watched the family laugh and toast each over flickering candle light. It was so perfect and I too longed for that experience. I have longed for it for as long as I can remember and now my son has inherited the longing. I  was suddenly filled with such disappointment that I could not contain it, tears flowed and sobs broke. My poor son, sat up in his chair, fully awake. “What is wrong?” a fearful voice asks, as if he did or said something horrible. I could only shake my head between gulps of air, trying to reassure him that this outburst was not caused by anything he did. Continue reading

To be seen and not heard…

My family spent last Saturday morning working hard getting their chores done so they could play.  I had promised myself a morning of writing. I tried to concentrate but the noise and commotion of people being busy distracted me.  My frustration boiled to a point of no return and I had to let off steam.  “I give up” I ranted and dramatically, I cleaned up and shut down and stomped off. Continue reading