Regret

I burst into tears the other day. I was watching old episodes of the tv show Parenthood with my youngest who was recuperating from his wisdom teeth being pulled. He was lounging in the chair, half-sleep, when the weekly scene of the family gathering in the garden for dinner came on. In a dreamlike voice, he muttered through swollen checks, “I wish we could have dinners like that.” I watched the family laugh and toast each over flickering candle light. It was so perfect and I too longed for that experience. I have longed for it for as long as I can remember and now my son has inherited the longing. I  was suddenly filled with such disappointment that I could not contain it, tears flowed and sobs broke. My poor son, sat up in his chair, fully awake. “What is wrong?” a fearful voice asks, as if he did or said something horrible. I could only shake my head between gulps of air, trying to reassure him that this outburst was not caused by anything he did. Continue reading